The Clare Witch Review

The charming characters that were to escort us through our adventure each seemed to have only one mission in life Josh - Was always going to die. From the beginning the happy go lucky Grunge American kid was destined to go in some hideous manner Mike - The Betrayer. Mikes role in the film seemed only to mess things up hideousley for the others then sit under various trees and rock back and forth like a madman ( we did wonder ) and finally Heather .

I leave Heather till last for a very good reason, well three very good reasons .
1. I hate her
2. You will hate her
3. Everybody hates her.
The whole purpose of having her in the film seems only to produce the most unsympathetic reaction from the audience as possible and it worked. Oh boy did it work. I would have killed her myself if the Blair Witch/Floating woman/ Hermit/Hairy Horsewoman hadn't got there first. Yes it seems as if the Witch was having a little identity crisis when it happened upon the town of Burkittsville.To be quite honest it didn't matter what form it took The Blair Witch Project couldn't have been less scary if it had been based on the Teddy Bears Picnic.

Clare

Argh! Sticks!! Stones!!! AAARRRGHHH!!!!

Probably the dullest film I have ever seen. There was no witch to be seen just incredibly annoying characters who deserved to die, and don't forget the trees, rocks, sticks and leaves. Thinking about it there was never a witch - the legend was about a hermit who used to kill kids. Hermit, Witch not really the same thing at all.

Right then the story: three american idiots (as if there is another kind of american) Josh, Mike and Heather go into the woods to find the blair witch. Unarmed. No knives or guns even though bears and wolves are native to the forests in america. While walking through the woods they find some piles of rocks and some stick hung from trees - oooooo scary. The next night the idiots are awakened by the sound of rocks being hit together, which I also think is so incredibly scary. They wake up the next day to find some rocks near their tent - wow amazing. The next night some joker or the Blair Witch comes to their tent and shakes it. I personally think that it was a bunch of hill billies who thought Josh and Mike had pretty lips and wanted to hear them squeal like a pig.

The people who made the Blair Witch project took 1 hour and 25 mins of my life and I want it back.

If you are a fool and you are scared of rocks, trees and forests in general then this is the film for you, but if you are normal or slightly warped like myself you will not be scared and not enjoy it. Apart from a bit in where mike sits in fear rocking back and forth and whimpering, I personally found that to be the best moment in the film.